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Breakups: the 6 uncomfortable truths you need to know

Relationship breakups are part of many life stories, but that doesn't make them easy. A breakup can stir up intense emotions, cause doubt, affect self-esteem, and lead to a profound sense of emptiness. However, understanding what is happening emotionally can help you navigate this process in a healthier way.

At CALMA Psicólogos, we support individuals in Fuengirola and Mijas going through heartbreak, emotional dependency, or difficulties in rebuilding their lives after a separation.

Recommended reading It is advisable to go to couples therapy when you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship that you are unable to resolve on your own. This could include: * **Communication breakdowns:** When you find yourselves constantly arguing, misunderstanding each other, or avoiding difficult conversations. * **Recurring conflicts:** If you keep having the same arguments about the same issues without finding a resolution. * **Emotional distance:** When you feel disconnected from your partner, leading to a lack of intimacy or affection. * **Life transitions:** Significant life changes such as a new baby, job loss, relocation, or illness can put a strain on relationships. * **Infidelity or trust issues:** When one or both partners have engaged in infidelity, or there are ongoing issues of trust. * **Differing life goals:** When you find yourselves on different paths and struggling to reconcile your future aspirations. * **Sexual difficulties:** Problems with intimacy or sexual compatibility. * **Parenting disagreements:** When you have significant differences in your parenting styles or approaches. * **Feeling unheard or invalidated:** When one or both partners feel their feelings, needs, or perspectives are consistently dismissed. * **Wanting to improve the relationship:** Even if there isn't a major crisis, couples therapy can be beneficial for strengthening your bond, enhancing communication, and building a more fulfilling relationship. Essentially, couples therapy is helpful when you want to understand each other better, develop healthier ways of relating, and learn practical skills to navigate challenges together. It's often recommended to seek help *before* issues become too entrenched and the relationship reaches a crisis point.

The end of a relationship also involves emotional grief

When a relationship ends, it's not just one person who disappears. Routines, projects, expectations, and a significant part of our emotional identity also break.

Recommended reading: Sometimes I felt like we were flatmates.

Many people experience anxiety, intense sadness, anger, or even depressive symptoms after a relationship breakup. All of this is part of the emotional adjustment process.

Although the pain may seem unbearable at first, it is possible to recover and rebuild emotional well-being with time and the right support.

You might be interested in reading: 8 Types of Couples Therapy

Emotionally disconnected couple

Heartbreak isn't linear

Getting over a romantic breakup doesn't happen in an ordered or progressive way. There are constant emotional ups and downs.

It's normal to have ups and downs

One day you might feel strong and the next you might miss your ex-partner again. This happens because the brain maintains emotional connections associated with memories, routines, and shared experiences.

This is why, often, intense emotions resurface when listening to a song, visiting a specific place, or reconnecting with the other person.

Contact can make the process difficult

Maintaining constant communication with an ex-partner often makes emotional recovery difficult. In many cases, taking a temporary step back allows the brain and emotions to reorganise.

You might be interested in reading: Do you get drawn into arguments?

A person with anxiety following a break-up with their partner.

2. The decision to break up is rarely easy

Even when significant conflicts exist, ending a relationship is often a painful and complex decision.

Emotions, habit, fear of loneliness or emotional dependence can make a person constantly doubt whether they have made the right decision.

Self-esteem is a big influence.

People with low self-esteem often find it harder to end harmful or unfulfilling relationships. Therefore, working on self-love and emotional security becomes crucial after a relationship breakup.

You might be interested in reading: What is self-esteem?

8 types of couples therapy in Fuengirola

3 A relationship breakup hurts deeply

The emotional pain following a breakup can become very intense. Some research suggests that the brain processes romantic rejection in a similar way to physical pain.

The brain experiences a «deprivation» of the reward system similar to addiction, generating anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

Unlike other types of grief, with break-ups there is the possibility of seeing the other person again or imagining a reconciliation. This can keep hope alive and make emotional closure difficult.

You might be interested in reading: The process of grieving.

Uncertainty increases suffering

Furthermore, many people interpret the breakup as a personal failure, negatively affecting their psychological well-being, even causing anxiety.

Related article: 7 types of anxiety

Sad persona after a romantic breakup

4. Friendships can also be affected

When a couple breaks up, mutual friends often find themselves in an awkward position.

Social relationships change

Some friendships drift apart to avoid conflict or because people don't know how to act. Other people may feel exhausted by constantly listening to the same emotional suffering.

That's why, during this process, it's important to broaden social support and take care of personal space outside of the previous relationship.

It is beneficial to try to maintain awareness of your own breakup process, allowing yourself time to consciously think about it.

You might be interested in reading: Mindfulness

How to stop getting hooked on couple's arguments

5. The feeling of loneliness can be very intense

After an emotional connection with someone, the void can be difficult to manage.

The routine changes completely, and many people feel they have lost stability, companionship, or even part of their identity.

Learning to be alone is also growth

Although it may be uncomfortable at first, this period can become an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, strengthen your self-esteem and discover new personal needs.

Immediately seeking another relationship to fill the void often hinders genuine emotional recovery.

Mindful breathing and relaxation exercise

6. Being happy again is indeed possible

During the early moments of a breakup, it's common to think you'll never feel the same way about someone else again.

However, humans have an enormous capacity for emotional adaptation.

Time helps to reorganise emotions

As time passes, intense emotions subside, making it possible to rebuild personal projects, regain well-being, and reconnect emotionally with others from a healthier place.

Curiosity about emotions:  The eyes are the mirror of the soul…

Cognitive behavioural therapy in Mijas

When to seek psychological therapy after a relationship breakup

Seeking professional help can be very useful when:

  • Emotional pain lasts a long time.
  • There is constant anxiety or depressive symptoms.
  • Emotional dependence appears.
  • There is difficulty accepting the breakup.
  • Self-esteem is badly damaged.
  • Relationships of suffering are repeated.

At CALMA Psicólogos, we work with a friendly and professional approach to help you manage heartbreak, strengthen your self-esteem, and regain your emotional balance in Fuengirola, Mijas, and also through online therapy.

Discover:  What doesn't work for managing anxiety

Conclusion

A breakup can become one of the most difficult emotional experiences to go through, but also an opportunity to grow, get to know yourself better, and build healthier future relationships.

Accepting pain, understanding the process, and asking for help when you need it are fundamental steps to moving forward.

Psychologist specialising in bereavement in Fuengirola accompanying patient

Post written by Samara Valenzuela

If, after reading this entry, you believe you may need therapy and would like to learn more about the professionals who provide it at CALMA PSICOLOGOS, do not hesitate to click.

Bibliographical references

  • Sánchez Aragón, R. Faculty of Psychology, UNAM.
  • Corbin, J. A. (2015). The 6 uncomfortable truths about breaking up. Psychology and Mind.
  • Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and Loss. Basic Books.
  • Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Macmillan.

If you've come this far, you might like to read:

https://calmapsicologos.com/perfiles-de-la-infidelidad/

Reading material of interest for the holidays:

https://calmapsicologos.com/problema-de-pareja-en-vacaciones/