Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences within a couple's relationship. It not only involves the breakdown of trust but also affects attachment, self-esteem, and emotional security. Understanding the Profiles of infidelity allows us to analyse what's behind this behaviour and address it more deeply in therapy.

Main infidelity profiles

1. The avoidant profile

People who have difficulty managing emotional intimacy. When the relationship becomes close, the need for distance arises.

Features:

• Feeling overwhelmed in deep relationships

• Difficulty expressing emotions

• Need for space experienced as rejection

Behind this, there is usually a fear of emotional dependence.

2. Validation Search

In this case, infidelity isn't about seeking another relationship, but about boosting self-esteem.

Features:

• Constant need for recognition

• Fear of not being enough

• Dependence on external approval

Infidelity functions as emotional regulation.

3. Impulsive profile

Related to difficulty controlling impulses and sensation-seeking.

Features:

• Low frustration tolerance

• Impulsive behaviours

• Higher probability in contexts of disinhibition

There is usually subsequent regret.

4. Internal breakdown of the relationship

Infidelity arises when the relationship is already emotionally deteriorated.

Features:

• Previous emotional distance

• Feeling lonely in a relationship

• Appearance of a third person as an “exit”

More of a consequence than the cause of the problem.

5. Repeating pattern

People who repeat infidelity in different relationships.

Factors involved:

• Family models

• Beliefs about love

• Lifestyle focused on gratification

Requires deep personal work.

Conclusion

Infidelity is not an isolated act, but rather a behaviour that makes sense within an emotional history.

Understanding that feeling does not excuse the harm, but it allows it to be transformed.

The key isn't to look for culprits, but for understanding, clear boundaries, and emotional responsibility.

References

• Reference: Shackelford, T. K., & Buss, D. M. (1997). Romantic jealousy: Causes, consequences, and legal implications. Aggression and Violent Behaviour, 2(4), 351–380.
• Reference: Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992). Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes, behaviours, and gender. Journal of Sex Research, 29(3), 361–387.
• Reference: DeWall, C. N., et al. (2011). Low self-esteem and relationship maintenance: The role of self-regulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(1), 26–41.
• Reference: Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.

Post written by Samara Valenzuela Psychologist at CALMA Psicólogos Fuengirola

Quick reading recommendations

Sometimes, in situations where infidelity is suspected, we're tempted to spy on what our partner is doing. If you want to know more about where the line between privacy and intimacy is crossed, I recommend you visit this post:

• Intimacy vs Privacy where you can learn a bit more about these types of situations from a psychological perspective.

If you're perhaps going through a rough patch with many arguments, you might be interested in reading:

• How to stop getting into draining conflicts Where can you learn not to get hooked on arguments, whether they're with a partner or not.