Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences within a romantic relationship. It not only involves a breach of trust, but also affects attachment, self-esteem, and emotional security. Understanding the Profiles of infidelity allows us to analyse what is behind this behaviour and address it more deeply in therapy.

Main infidelity profiles

1. The avoidant profile

People who have difficulty managing emotional intimacy. When the relationship becomes close, the need for distance appears.

Characteristics:

• Feeling overwhelmed in deep relationships

• Difficulty expressing emotions

• Need for space experienced as rejection

Behind it is often a fear of emotional dependence.

2. Search for validation

In this case, infidelity isn't about seeking another relationship, but about reinforcing self-esteem.

Characteristics:

• Constant need for recognition

• Fear of not being enough

• Dependence on external approval

👉 Infidelity functions as emotional regulation.

3. Impulsive profile

Related to the difficulty of controlling impulses and sensation seeking.

Characteristics:

• Low tolerance for frustration

• Impulsive behaviours

• Higher probability in contexts of disinhibition

There is usually later regret.

4. Internal breakdown of the relationship

Infidelity appears when the relationship is already emotionally deteriorated.

Characteristics:

• Previous emotional distance

• Feeling lonely in a relationship

• Appearance of a third person as an “out”

More of a consequence than a cause of the problem.

5. Repeating pattern

People who repeat infidelity in different relationships.

Factors involved:

• Family models

• Beliefs about love

• Lifestyle of instant gratification

It requires deep personal work.

Conclusion

Infidelity is not an isolated act, but rather a behaviour that makes sense within an emotional history.

Understanding that meaning does not excuse the harm, but allows it to be transformed.

The key isn't to look for culprits, but for understanding, clear boundaries, and emotional responsibility.

References

• Reference: Shackelford, T. K., & Buss, D. M. (1997). Romantic jealousy: Causes, consequences, and legal implications. Aggression and Violent Behaviour, 2(4), 351–380.
• Referencia: Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992). Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes, behaviors, and gender. Journal of Sex Research, 29(3), 361–387.
• Reference: DeWall, C. N., et al. (2011). Low self-esteem and relationship maintenance: The role of self-regulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(1), 26–41.
• Reference: Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.

Post written by Samara Valenzuela psychologist at CALMA Psicógolos Fuengirola

Speed reading recommendations

Sometimes in situations of suspected infidelity, we're tempted to spy on what our partner is doing. If you want to know more about where the line between privacy and intimacy is crossed, I advise you to visit this post:

• Intimacy vs Privacy where you can learn a little more about these types of situations from a psychological perspective.

If perhaps you're going through a rough patch with lots of arguments, you might be interested in reading:

• How to avoid draining conflicts Where can you learn not to get hooked on arguments, whether they're with a partner or not.