What Is social constructionism applied to couples therapy?

Social constructionism starts from a fundamental idea: our reality is constructed through conversations, relationships, and the meanings we give to our experiences.

From this perspective, relationship problems are not understood as individual defects, but as relational patterns that have developed over time and can be transformed through new forms of communication.

Therapy thus becomes a space where the couple can reflect, explore different perspectives, and together build new ways of facing relationship challenges.

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The importance of dialogue in couples therapy

In this approach, dialogue takes centre stage.

Many relationship crises persist because there are needs, expectations, or emotions that have never been clearly expressed. Frequently, people expect their partner to guess what they are feeling or needing, leading to frustration and resentment when this doesn't happen.

The reality is that:

• No one can read another person's mind.
• Love doesn't guarantee automatic understanding.
• Needs change over time.
• Communication requires constant updating.

Therefore, therapy helps to create more honest, profound, and respectful conversations.

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How does couple therapy work from this perspective

Relational therapy is based on questions that encourage reflection and mutual understanding.

The aim is not to get information quickly or to look for culprits, but to help each partner express their experience and feel heard.

Some frequently asked questions are:

• What is the most important thing we should know about you?
• What do you hope to achieve with this process?
• What would you like to be different in your relationship?
• A fulfilling relationship, to me, is one where there's mutual respect and understanding. It's about having a partner you can truly be yourself with, someone who supports your goals and dreams, and who you can rely on through thick and thin. Communication is key – being able to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, and also being a good listener. It's about shared experiences, laughter, and a deep sense of companionship. Ultimately, it's a partnership where both individuals feel seen, valued, and loved.

These conversations allow for the discovery of aspects that often remained hidden behind repetitive discussions or seemingly irresolvable conflicts.

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How does couple therapy work from this perspective

Relational therapy is based on questions that encourage reflection and mutual understanding.

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The aim is not to get information quickly or to look for culprits, but to help each partner express their experience and feel heard.

Some frequently asked questions are:

• What is the most important thing we should know about you?
• What do you hope to achieve with this process?
• What would you like to be different in your relationship?
• A fulfilling relationship, to me, is one where there's mutual respect and understanding. It's about having a partner you can truly be yourself with, someone who supports your goals and dreams, and who you can rely on through thick and thin. Communication is key – being able to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, and also being a good listener. It's about shared experiences, laughter, and a deep sense of companionship. Ultimately, it's a partnership where both individuals feel seen, valued, and loved.

These conversations allow for the discovery of aspects that often remained hidden behind repetitive discussions or seemingly irresolvable conflicts.

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Create a safe space for both people

One of the fundamental objectives is that each member of the couple can speak without interruptions, criticism, or judgment.

When people feel safe to express what they truly think and feel, new possibilities for understanding and change emerge.

The therapy seeks to foster:

• Active listening.
• Emotional validation.
• Mutual respect.
• Curiosity to understand others.
• The construction of agreements.

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The role of one-to-one sessions

In many couples therapy processes, it is useful to supplement joint sessions with individual meetings.

These sessions allow for the exploration of personal aspects that may be difficult to discuss in front of one's partner and help to better understand the dynamics influencing the relationship.

Subsequently, this information is integrated into collective work to foster deeper and more lasting changes.

What is the therapeutic alliance?

The five topics that cause the most conflict in couples

Throughout clinical experience, there are certain areas that tend to appear frequently in couple's crises.

Sexuality

Intimacy is one of the fundamental pillars of many relationships.

In therapy, aspects such as: are explored

• Sexual satisfaction.
• Communicating about wants and needs.
• The emotional connection.
• Trust.
• The consequences of potential infidelities.

Talking openly about sexuality often reduces tension and strengthens emotional connection.

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Money

Financial management is one of the most frequent causes of conflict.

Some important issues are:

• How are revenues managed?.
• Who makes the economic decisions.
• How are the expenses shared?.
• Financial fairness perception.
• Agreements on savings and joint projects.

A sense of fairness is often a key factor in relationship stability.

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3. The family of origin

Family of origin continues to influence a couple's life together, even many years after they've started a relationship.

In therapy, we explore issues such as:

• Boundaries with family.
• The degree of autonomy of the couple.
• External interference management.
• Family feuds.

Building your own identity as a couple helps to reduce tension and strengthen the bond.

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4. Personal dreams and projects

A healthy relationship should not only care for shared well-being, but also foster individual growth.

Therefore, it is important to reflect on:

• Personal dreams.
• Professional projects.
• Family goals.
• Mutual support.
• Future goals.

When both partners feel they can grow within the relationship, satisfaction and commitment increase.

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4. Children's education

Differences in educational styles can become a significant source of conflict.

Therapy allows for reflection on:

• The values that it is desired to transmit.
• Educational coherence.
• Expectations of children.
• The way of exercising authority.

The aim is to find common ground that will allow us to act as a parenting team.

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5. Personal dreams and projects

A healthy relationship should not only care for shared well-being, but also foster individual growth.

Therefore, it is important to reflect on:

• Personal dreams.
• Professional projects.
• Family goals.
• Mutual support.
• Future goals.

When both partners feel they can grow within the relationship, satisfaction and commitment increase.

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The construction of «the we»

One of the most important concepts of this approach is the construction of the «we.».

In every relationship, there are three protagonists:

• The self.
• You.
• We.

The strength of a couple depends largely on their ability to look after that shared space where projects, agreements, experiences, and common goals are built.

The «us» is strengthened by:

• Sincere communication.
• Trust.
• Respect.
• Collaboration.
• Emotional support.

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Couples Therapy at CALMA Psychologists

At CALMA Psicólogos, we support couples with a respectful, empathetic approach, focused on the collaborative construction of solutions.

We believe that relationships can be transformed when there is a safe space to dialogue, understand each other, and explore new ways of connecting.

Our aim is not to decide who is right, but to help each couple find their own resources to build a healthier, more conscious, and more fulfilling relationship.

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Conclusion

The Couple therapy from a social constructionist perspective It understands that relationships are built through dialogue and shared meanings.

When a couple learns to listen to each other, express their needs and build new conversations, real opportunities arise to overcome conflicts and strengthen their bond.

More than looking for culprits, this approach helps to create new relationship possibilities, favouring individual growth and common well-being.

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