Self-harm: how to detect it, understand it, and seek psychological help
The Self-harm These are behaviours in which a person intentionally inflicts physical harm on themselves, generally as a way of coping with intense emotional distress. Although in many cases there is no intention to die, self-harm behaviour must always be taken seriously, as it can indicate psychological suffering, difficulties in regulating emotions, or the presence of other mental health problems.
At CALMA Psicólogos, we offer psychological support for adolescents, adults, and families needing help with self-harm in Fuengirola, Mijas, and also through online therapy. Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak; it's a way to protect yourself and start building safer alternatives for managing emotional pain.
You may also be interested in reading: Quando acudir ao psicólogo
What is self-harm?
Non-suicidal self-harm involves deliberately inflicting physical injury on oneself without necessarily having the intention of ending one's own life. It can appear as a response to emotions that the person experiences as unbearable, such as sadness, anger, guilt, shame, anxiety, emotional emptiness, or a feeling of disconnection.
In some people, self-harm can provide temporary relief. However, this relief is often short-lived and can give way to feelings of guilt, fear, shame, or isolation. For this reason, it is important to address the behaviour with understanding and professional support, without minimising or judging it.
Self-harm doesn't define a person. It's a sign that they need resources, support, and a safe space to understand what's going on.
Recommended reading First visit to the psychologist: what to say, what to expect.
People may self-harm for a variety of reasons. It is often a way of coping with intense emotional pain, distress, or overwhelming feelings. Some common reasons include: * **Emotional release:** Self-harm can provide a temporary sense of relief from unbearable emotional pain, anxiety, or anger. The physical sensation can distract from or replace the emotional pain. * **Feeling something:** For some, self-harm can combat feelings of emptiness or numbness, providing a temporary sense of being alive or real. * **Self-punishment:** Individuals may self-harm as a way of punishing themselves for perceived wrongdoings or feelings of worthlessness. * **Controlling emotions:** It can be an attempt to regain a sense of control when feeling overwhelmed or powerless in other areas of life. * **Communicating distress:** Sometimes, self-harm is a way of signalling to others that they are suffering and need help, especially when they find it difficult to express their feelings verbally. * **Coping with trauma:** Past trauma, abuse, or difficult life experiences can lead to self-harm as a way of processing or managing the aftermath. * **Low self-esteem and self-hatred:** Intense feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness, or self-hatred can manifest as self-harm. It's important to understand that self-harm is not a suicidal act in itself, although there is an increased risk of suicide attempts among those who self-harm. It is a sign of significant emotional distress and a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one. If you or someone you know is self-harming, seeking professional help is crucial.
There is no single cause that explains self-harm. Each person has a different history, different circumstances, and different emotional needs. In many cases, self-harming behaviour serves as an attempt to regulate intense emotion when the person feels they have no other tools available.
Among the reasons that may be related to self-harm are:
- Difficulty managing intense emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, guilt, or shame.
- A feeling of emotional emptiness or disconnection from oneself.
- Need to relieve accumulated psychological tension.
- Traumatic experiences, losses, or situations of intense stress.
- Problems with self-esteem and excessive self-criticism.
- A feeling of not being enough, of not fitting in, or of not deserving affection.
- Family, social, school or work-related conflicts.
- Difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
- Social isolation or feeling of loneliness.
- Presence of anxiety, depression, trauma, eating disorders, or other psychological difficulties.
It is important to avoid simplistic interpretations, such as assuming that a person self-harms solely to attract attention. Even when the behaviour is intended to convey distress, that need to be seen and cared for must be taken seriously.
Recommended reading What is the therapeutic alliance?.
Self-harm and teenagers
Self-harm can occur at any stage of life, but it is most common during adolescence and young adulthood. This period involves numerous physical, emotional and social changes, and some people may feel overwhelmed by academic pressure, family conflicts, the need to belong to a group, or constant comparison on social media.
In adolescents, self-harming behaviour can be related to:
- Difficulties expressing emotions.
- Problems with self-esteem or body image.
- Bullying at school or social exclusion.
- Family conflicts.
- Bereavement, parental separation or major changes.
- Difficult romantic relationships.
- Pressure to fit in or live up to expectations.
- Exposure to harmful content on social media.
- Anxiety, depression or trauma.
Early intervention can make a significant difference. Parents, teachers, and close contacts can help by creating a space for listening, avoiding punishment, and facilitating access to specialised psychological care.
You might want to read: Some tips for switching off
Warning signs of self-harm
Self-harm is not always visible. Many people try to hide it out of fear, shame or concern about how those around them might react. It is therefore important to be alert to any emotional, behavioural or physical changes that might indicate that someone is going through a difficult time.
Some warning signs may include:
- Frequent use of long clothing even when it's hot.
- Unexplained wounds, marks, scars, bruises, or injuries.
- Sudden mood swings.
- Isolation from family, friends, or usual activities.
- Irritability, impulsivity, or very intense emotional reactions.
- Frequent comments about feeling useless, hopeless or lacking in self-worth.
- Difficulty tolerating frustration.
- Sleep problems or changes in appetite.
- Decrease in academic or work performance.
- Feelings of guilt, shame or constant self-criticism.
- Risky behaviours or alcohol and other substance use.
- Expressions related to not wanting to live, disappear or self-harm.
No single sign confirms self-harming behaviour. However, if several signs are present or if distress persists over time, it is advisable to consult a mental health professional.
You might want to read: What is trauma
Self-harm and suicide risk: important differences
Self-harm does not always indicate suicidal intent. Many people harm themselves to temporarily relieve an intense emotion, regain a sense of control, or express pain that they are unable to put into words.
Even so, self-harm can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts or more serious behaviours, particularly where there is depression, hopelessness, isolation, substance use or traumatic experiences. For this reason, any self-harming behaviour must be assessed with sensitivity and seriousness.
If someone expresses a desire to die, talks about suicide, has a plan to harm themselves or is in immediate danger, you must contact the emergency services or go to A&E. In Spain, the 024 helpline for suicidal behaviour is also available.
You might want to read: Major depression
How to talk to someone who self-harms
Discovering that a child, partner, friend or someone close to you is self-harming can cause fear, anger, sadness or a sense of helplessness. However, the way you approach the conversation can influence whether the person is willing to accept help.
Some useful recommendations are:
- Speak from a place of concern and affection.
- Listen without interrupting or judging.
- Avoid threats, punishments, shouting, or reproaches.
- Don’t play down the problem with comments such as “you’ll get over it” or “it’s not that big a deal”.
- Avoid demanding immediate explanations if the person cannot speak.
- Ask what they need and how you can help.
- You don't have to face the problem alone.
- To facilitate contact with a psychologist or psychiatrist.
- Stay calm, even if the situation is shocking.
- Seek professional support for the family as well, if necessary.
A helpful thing to say might be: “I’ve noticed you’re going through a difficult time. I don’t want to judge you or force you to talk, but I care about you and I want to help you find support.”.
You might want to read: Emotional management
What should you avoid doing when faced with self-harm?
Although this concern is understandable, some reactions may increase the person’s feelings of shame or isolation.
It is best to avoid:
- To accuse or to blame.
- Ridicule the conduct.
- Threatening with punishment.
- Force the injuries to be displayed.
- Compare your suffering with that of other people.
- Discussing behaviour in front of other people without consent, unless there is a risk.
- To think that a person can stop doing something with willpower alone.
- Convertir cada conversación en un interrogatorio.
- Ignore comments relating to death or suicide.
The priority must be to create a sense of security, reduce isolation and facilitate access to professional support.
Tratamiento psicológico para las autolesiones
El tratamiento de las autolesiones debe adaptarse a las necesidades de cada persona. La terapia psicológica permite comprender qué función cumple la conducta, identificar los desencadenantes emocionales y desarrollar alternativas más seguras para afrontar el malestar.
Durante el proceso terapéutico se puede trabajar en:
- Identificar las emociones, pensamientos y situaciones que preceden a la autolesión.
- Mejorar la regulación emocional.
- Learning strategies to tolerate discomfort.
- Reduce impulsivity.
- Fortalecer la autoestima y la autocompasión.
- Trabajar experiencias traumáticas cuando sea necesario.
- Mejorar la comunicación y las relaciones interpersonales.
- Develop resources for asking for help.
- Prevenir recaídas y crear un plan de seguridad.
Entre los enfoques psicológicos que pueden resultar útiles se encuentran la terapia cognitivo-conductual, la terapia dialéctico-conductual, las terapias basadas en mindfulness y, cuando existen experiencias traumáticas, intervenciones específicas como EMDR.
Discover: Qué es el EMDR
En algunos casos puede ser necesaria una valoración psiquiátrica, especialmente si hay depresión intensa, ansiedad grave, pensamientos suicidas u otros síntomas que requieran atención médica.
Terapia dialéctico-conductual y autolesiones
La terapia dialéctico-conductual es un enfoque especialmente utilizado cuando existen dificultades importantes de regulación emocional, impulsividad o conductas autolesivas recurrentes.
This type of therapy helps to develop skills for:
- To tolerate intense emotions without acting impulsively.
- Identificar y regular estados emocionales difíciles.
- Mejorar la comunicación y las relaciones.
- Reducir conductas que generan daño.
- Construir una vida más estable y coherente con los propios valores.
El objetivo no es únicamente eliminar la conducta autolesiva, sino comprender el sufrimiento que hay detrás y ofrecer herramientas que permitan a la persona sentirse más segura consigo misma.
Discover: Dialectical Behavioural Therapy
¿Cómo prevenir las autolesiones?
No existe una fórmula única para prevenir las autolesiones, pero sí factores que pueden proteger la salud mental y reducir el riesgo.
Some preventive measures include:
- Favorecer una comunicación familiar abierta y respetuosa.
- Enseñar a identificar y expresar emociones.
- Normalizar la petición de ayuda psicológica.
- To strengthen self-esteem and a sense of belonging.
- Promote safe social relationships.
- Establecer límites claros y coherentes en casa.
- Prestar atención a cambios de conducta persistentes.
- Hablar de redes sociales y contenidos que puedan normalizar el daño.
- Ofrecer modelos saludables de resolución de conflictos.
- Buscar ayuda profesional ante señales de malestar emocional intenso.
La prevención no consiste en controlar cada conducta de una persona, sino en construir entornos donde pueda sentirse escuchada, valorada y acompañada.
Discover: Self-esteem
Psicólogo para autolesiones en Fuengirola y Mijas
En CALMA Psicólogos ofrecemos acompañamiento psicológico para personas que se autolesionan, adolescentes, adultos y familias que necesitan comprender y abordar esta situación.
La terapia puede ayudar a reducir el sufrimiento emocional, mejorar la regulación de las emociones y desarrollar recursos más seguros para afrontar los momentos difíciles. Atendemos de forma presencial en Fuengirola y Mijas, así como mediante terapia online.
Si tú o alguien cercano está atravesando una situación de autolesiones, pedir ayuda puede ser el primer paso para recuperar seguridad, bienestar y esperanza.
Discover the professional who will value your case: Samara Valenzuela
Psicólogo para autolesiones en Fuengirola y Mijas
En CALMA Psicólogos ofrecemos acompañamiento psicológico para personas que se autolesionan, adolescentes, adultos y familias que necesitan comprender y abordar esta situación.
La terapia puede ayudar a reducir el sufrimiento emocional, mejorar la regulación de las emociones y desarrollar recursos más seguros para afrontar los momentos difíciles. Atendemos de forma presencial en Fuengirola y Mijas, así como mediante terapia online.
Si tú o alguien cercano está atravesando una situación de autolesiones, pedir ayuda puede ser el primer paso para recuperar seguridad, bienestar y esperanza.
Discover the professional who will value your case: Samara Valenzuela
Frequently asked questions about self-harm
¿Las autolesiones significan que una persona quiere suicidarse?
No necesariamente. Muchas personas se autolesionan sin intención de morir. Sin embargo, la conducta autolesiva puede aumentar el riesgo de suicidio y siempre debe ser atendida por un profesional.
¿Las autolesiones son una llamada de atención?
En ocasiones pueden ser una forma de comunicar un sufrimiento que la persona no sabe expresar de otro modo. Esto no significa que deba restarse importancia. Si alguien necesita hacerse daño para ser visto, necesita apoyo y atención profesional.
¿Puede una persona dejar de autolesionarse sin terapia?
Algunas personas pueden reducir o abandonar la conducta por sí mismas, pero la terapia psicológica ayuda a comprender los desencadenantes, prevenir recaídas y desarrollar estrategias de regulación emocional más saludables.
¿Qué hago si mi hijo se autolesiona?
Mantén la calma, evita castigos o reproches, escucha desde la preocupación y busca ayuda profesional. Si existen pensamientos suicidas, riesgo inmediato o lesiones graves, contacta con emergencias o acude a urgencias.
¿La terapia online puede ayudar en casos de autolesiones?
La terapia presencial es más recomendable, aunque la terapia online puede ser útil cuando la persona puede mantener un entorno privado y seguro durante las sesiones. En situaciones de riesgo elevado, el profesional valorará el recurso más adecuado y podrá recomendar atención presencial o urgente.
Post written by Samara Valenzuela
If, after reading this entry, you believe you may need therapy and would like to learn more about the professionals who provide it at CALMA PSICOLOGOS, do not hesitate to click.
Bibliographical references
- American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR).
- Mayo Clinic. Self-harm/cutting: Symptoms and causes.
- National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. Self-harm: assessment, management and preventing recurrence.
- Organización Mundial de la Salud. Prevención del suicidio y salud mental.
- Sociedad Española de Psiquiatría y Salud Mental. Recursos de prevención y atención a la conducta suicida.
- Linehan, M. M. DBT Skills Training Manual. Guilford Press.
- Klonsky, E. D., Victor, S. E., & Saffer, B. Y. (2014). Nonsuicidal self-injury: What we know, and what we need to know. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry.