What is the true aim of couples therapy?

There doesn't have to be just one objective. Many people believe that couples therapy simply consists of learning to communicate better or resolving specific arguments. Although these aspects are important, the goal of couples therapy goes much further.

The main aim is to help both members of the relationship to modify dynamics that cause distress, strengthen their emotional bond, and develop new, healthier, and more satisfying ways of relating to each other.

Therapy doesn't aim to determine who is right or who is responsible for the problems. Its goal is to understand how both people interact and what changes they can make to improve the relationship.

Even improving the relationship, despite it. That is to say, sometimes you come to the conclusion that the best relationship can be not being in a romantic relationship. And that's okay.

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Any type of success in therapy  It has a lot to do with the bond and trust that is generated between therapist and patient. 

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Understanding the problem isn't always enough

One of the most important aspects we observe in consultations is that many couples know perfectly well what they should do to improve their relationship.

They often know recommendations such as:

• to listen without interrupting
• Expressing emotions appropriately
• avoid destructive criticism
• dedicate more time to the relationship
• Show affection and recognition

However, knowing it does not necessarily mean being able to do it.

Just as a person knows they should stop smoking to overcome an addiction, many couples know how they should communicate, but find it difficult to put into practice when intense emotions arise.

That's why couples therapy works so much on both understanding and real behaviour change.

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The importance of transforming behaviours

Research into romantic relationships shows that the quality of a relationship largely depends on the everyday behaviours of both members.

Therapy allows for the identification of:

• Behaviours that fuel conflict
• Harmful communication patterns
• Disproportionate emotional reactions
• unrealistic expectations
• Difficulties expressing needs

From there, new forms of interaction are developed that promote emotional connection and problem-solving.

Recommended reading It is advisable to go to couples therapy when you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship that you are unable to resolve on your own. This could include: * **Communication breakdowns:** When you find yourselves constantly arguing, misunderstanding each other, or avoiding difficult conversations. * **Recurring conflicts:** If you keep having the same arguments about the same issues without finding a resolution. * **Emotional distance:** When you feel disconnected from your partner, leading to a lack of intimacy or affection. * **Life transitions:** Significant life changes such as a new baby, job loss, relocation, or illness can put a strain on relationships. * **Infidelity or trust issues:** When one or both partners have engaged in infidelity, or there are ongoing issues of trust. * **Differing life goals:** When you find yourselves on different paths and struggling to reconcile your future aspirations. * **Sexual difficulties:** Problems with intimacy or sexual compatibility. * **Parenting disagreements:** When you have significant differences in your parenting styles or approaches. * **Feeling unheard or invalidated:** When one or both partners feel their feelings, needs, or perspectives are consistently dismissed. * **Wanting to improve the relationship:** Even if there isn't a major crisis, couples therapy can be beneficial for strengthening your bond, enhancing communication, and building a more fulfilling relationship. Essentially, couples therapy is helpful when you want to understand each other better, develop healthier ways of relating, and learn practical skills to navigate challenges together. It's often recommended to seek help *before* issues become too entrenched and the relationship reaches a crisis point.

Beyond theory: generating different experiences

Contemporary psychology has effective tools to facilitate profound changes in relationships.

Therapeutic work isn't solely about talking about problems, but about helping couples experience new ways of relating to each other.

When people start acting differently, their emotions, perceptions, and how they interpret conflicts also change.

Therefore, an important part of the therapy consists of transferring the learning from the session to everyday life.

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Improve couple communication

Communication is one of the fundamental pillars of any healthy relationship.

In couples therapy, skills worked on include:

• Active listening
• Emotional validation
• Assertive expression of needs
• Managing criticism and disagreements
• conflict resolution

Improving communication doesn't mean stopping arguments, but learning to manage differences in a more constructive way.

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The role of one-to-one sessions

On many occasions, relationship conflicts are also related to personal difficulties of one of its members.

Problems such as:

• anxiety
• insecurity
• Low self-esteem
• emotional dependence
• difficulties regulating emotions

can directly influence the relationship.

For this reason, in certain cases, couples therapy can be supplemented with individual sessions that help to work on personal aspects relevant to the evolution of the process.

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The importance of sharing common goals

One of the first steps in therapy is exploring what each member expects from the relationship.

Sometimes both wish to improve the relationship, but they have different needs. At other times, incompatible objectives may even exist.

Setting shared goals allows for the construction of a common direction and facilitates therapeutic work.

Obstacles that can make couples therapy difficult

There are certain situations that can complicate the therapeutic process.

For example:

• to go solely to prove the other person is in the wrong
• attend without any real intention of improving the relationship
• to use therapy to justify an already decided breakup

In these cases, the work usually focuses initially on clarifying expectations and objectives before addressing concrete conflicts.

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The importance of looking after a long-term relationship

All relationships need constant attention, dedication and care.

Over time, the intensity of initial infatuation and spontaneous desire can lessen. This doesn't necessarily mean there's a problem, but rather that the relationship needs to be actively cultivated.

Couples who maintain strong bonds often share some characteristics:

• They enjoy their time together
• They support each other
• Express affection frequently
• show admiration and respect
• They share common projects
• they face problems as a team

These behaviours strengthen the emotional bond and promote more stable and satisfying relationships.

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